I know what you’re thinking.  “Least drawn? C’mon, sport.  There’s gotta be creators putting less effort into their comics than you.” Maybe. Unfortunately, finding out who they are would require its own effort. Perhaps not drawing effort, but definitely exertion, and that runs counter my policy of focusing all my energies on doing as little as possible.

It may surprise you to learn “Least Drawn” was not a deliberate goal. It sure surprised me when I wrote it just now.  What I’m saying is it was a distinction born of necessity, for ZeroOne is the work of a man whose artistic abilities hover near undetectable levels. My capacity to draw, sketch or caricature lags as far behind my aspirations as those of a sprinting-fan in concrete clogs pursuing Usain Bolt for an autograph. See? I can draw pictures with words. I just can’t draw them with pictures.

I’ve always struggled with my lack of talent’s ability to thwart my artistic ambitions, and the explosion of “content creators” proved I was very far from alone. Apparently, there are legions of individuals with nothing to offer and thanks to the internet they’re able offer to it up by the petabyte.

The web graciously allows anyone to disgorge whatever they’re told by voices in their heads then share it with a world clamoring for fresh distractions from “reality.” Countless, or even countless and one, content providers amass immodest fan followings by broadcasting virtually anything up to and including photos of their unclad feet and/or shins. My own shins will never see the light of day, because, as the saying goes, my eyes are up here. Yet, despite owning sightless and unphotogenic tibias, I wanted in on the game. Why not? I have all the requisites of a top- or at least mid-lowest-tier content provider: A) I exist, and B) see A.

Even so, while I certainly had as much nothing to offer as anyone, I wanted mine to stand above the fray. My nothing would surpass all others in emptiness and lack of substance by yards and yards. I intended to deliver nothing to be proud of. My first venture, eighty-five pages of grey pictures and text on a grey background titled nothing_to_see_here.com, garnered a total of four views. Three of them were mine and the fourth was somebody looking to match a paint color. I blame the failure on too much of too little. Like uncut angostura or the voice of an ethereal being, the purity of my nothing was beyond human appreciation.

Yet, the siren song of not presenting anything at all remained unsilenced. I was at a semi-creative impasse until inspiration blossomed from the very heart of nonexistence itself. What if, the inspiration inaudibly mused, I created content that, if not utterly nothing, had nothing as its integral feature? An emergent non-entity. A character who stands for nothing. Zero was born. (Well, discovered. Appropriated. I’m saying I didn’t invent “zero.” Obviously. That was the Mayans. Or the Indians. Possibly the Cambodians. The debate still rages, so get those bets in!) But nothing could not exist in a vacuum. Zero needed someone with whom to interact, while my drive to maximize minimalism compelled me to find a counterpart who was as close as possible to not being anyone. The least amount of an anything more than nothing. Enter One.

Zero and One are two self-aware numerical icons. They inhabit a universe of their own, but one that intersects with ours enough for us to share their joys and sorrows, defeats and victories, their hopes and their heartbreaks. Still, I wouldn’t lend them money I planned on ever seeing again. They’re swell kids but let’s keep our wits about us.

The saga of ZeroOne begins, as all good stories do, in curiosity, confusion, and varying degrees of mutual attraction. Our heroes explore a world as vast as ours, only much smaller, stumbling through the labyrinth of existence in ways that only occasionally make each other miserable. For those requiring additional characters, be assured that Zero and One are not alone in their delightful and compact realm. Here as well are One’s evil twin brother Negative One, his friend Qubit, Zero’s parents Two and Negative Two, her Parisian friend Zeronique, and several, several more. 

Well, hopefully that’s all you could ever want to know about the origin of ZeroOne, the least drawn comic ever.  Please tell me if I’ve left anything out, or put too much in, or did anything wrong, inadequate, offensive, insensitive, dismissive or crundulent. No pressure, of course.  Give it some thought then get back to me whenever.  In the meantime, since you’re finally fully qualified to accompany Zero and One on their foible packed meanderings, why not do that?